Within the throne room of Nottingham Castle, Maid Marian enters and sees the evil Prince John in his regal ermine cape, preening and getting ready for the big event of the day. "Ah, at last! My coronation!" he says, laughing. "If only my brother could see me now!"
The Sheriff of Nottingham enters, clutching a bag. Prince John turns to him. "Sheriff! Were you able to find me a suitable crown?"
"I looked all around, yer highness," says the Sheriff, "but all I could find was this, your majesty!" He reaches into the bag and takes out a cardboard crown emblazoned with the legend "BURGER KING". Prince John regards the cheap headpiece disgustedly, but then sighs and takes it, putting it on his head. "IT... will have to DO! By the power vested in me as the King of England... I crown myself King of England!"
Suddenly, Robin Hood, Little John, and the Merry Men burst through the doorway. "I'd hate to stain even THAT crown on a villain such as you!" shouts Robin Hood.
"Robin Hood!" yells Prince John. "It's that filthy brigand and his Merry Men! Sheriff! Guards! Seize them all!!"
With a flourish of trumpets, King Richard strides into the room. "STOP! Only one has the authority to command the Sheriff and the King's Guards, and that is I, King Richard the Lionhearted!"
"Impossible!" cries Prince John, stunned. The Sheriff, possibly suspecting the King to be an imposter, shouts, "It's a trick of them outlaws! Get 'em all!"
Everybody draws their swords. Prince John fights his brother the King, Robin Hood takes on the Sheriff, Little John goes over to protect Maid Marian, and Robin's men battle the Sheriff's men.
Swords clink and flash as the fight rages on. "Hold still so I can run you through, ya varmint!" yells the Sheriff.
"You couldn't hit the broad side of a castle, Sheriff!" says Robin, who promptly runs him through. The Sheriff gasps in pain, staggers around the room, and collapses in a bloody heap.
Meanwhile, King Richard gains the advantage as he knocks his treacherous brother's sword away. Robin's Merry Men succeed in driving off the Sheriff's men, leaving Prince John alone and quaking in his black leather boots.
King Richard roars, "Prince John is hereby sentenced to attend FC staff meetings for the rest of his days! Take him to the meeting!"
"With pleasure, your highness!" says Little John, who grabs Prince John by the arm. "Come on, you!" The two Johns leave the room. Surprisingly, no They Might Be Giants joke is made, unless you count this comment. "Mommeeee!" cries Prince John as he disappears.
"And what about you, Robin?" says King Richard. "What can England do for the fox that has done so much for so many?"
"Sire, I wish to restore the kingdom and I wish pardon for my Merry Men," says Robin Hood. "And doubly I wish pardon for the one thing I cannot return to the poor: the theft of a certain maiden's heart!" Robin Hood turns and gazes affectionately at Maid Marian.
"You clever fox!" laughs King Richard. "I'm going to have an outlaw for an in-law! Granted!"
Robin Hood kneels before Maid Marian and takes her paw. "Marian, my love, will you marry me?"
"Well, all right, but don't expect me to cook, clean, or wash your tights. 'Cause I'm a... medevial girl!" says Marian, purposely mispronouncing the word so it will fit into the closing number.
Squires stare at me, knights joust for me, every night and day
But they don't seem to understand that I'm just drawn this way
They can beg and they can plead but they don't have a clue
'Cause I'm not doing any housework, got better things to do!
'Cause we are living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
You know that we are living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
Some knights lance some knights romance and fawn all over me
If they can't dig my independence they can climb a tree
Some knights try and some knights cry but I don't let them play (no way!)
Only knights that know their manners make my courtly day!
'Cause we are living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
You know that we are living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
Living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
You know that we are living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
Being a fair and gorgeous maiden, it's not so easy
You try being a buxom vixen stuck with chastity!
'Cause everybody's living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
You know that we are living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
Living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
You know that we are living in a medevial world, and I am a Medevial Girl
A medevial, a medevial, a medevial, a medevial world
Medevial, medevial, ah-ah!
Medevial, medevial!
